Identity and Self-esteem
In the sixth and seventh chapters of Disunity in Christ, Cleveland begins to address some of the more
flagrant issues regarding “us” and “them”. She begins by talking about what she
terms “identity wars” in chapter six, and continues on to “culture wars” in the
seventh chapter.
I found the studies she explained fascinating, the idea that
people will react negatively to someone simply because they speak a different
language is disheartening. My heart hurts knowing that we are brought up to
fear anyone who is even slightly different. These unconscious traits of
aggression go against the very essence of Christianity: to love your neighbor
as yourself.
However, I also found it both fascinating and encouraging as
Cleveland talked about self-esteem. Tearing others down is a simple solution to
low self-esteem, as she mentioned, but it also antithetical to several Biblical
principles (Ephesians 4:9 says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of
your mouths, but only what is helpful for building
others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”
[emphasis mine] and Proverbs 24:17 says “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles”). Thankfully, the options for
building self-esteem do not end with tearing others down. Rather, by affirming
the self in other ways, self-esteem can be built to a healthy level and it can
grow to endure attacks against it.
Self-esteem, I think, is strongly important to the health of
the individual. I know many people who suffer from low self-esteem, sometimes
to the point of crippling their everyday activities and interactions with
others. It pains me to know that they hesitate and doubt themselves purely
because they have been taught (by others or themselves) that they are not
worthy nor sufficient for whatever task is at hand. Self-esteem is incredibly
important. Sure, it can lead to a host of problems when it is built too high
(as one who struggles with pride, I am well aware of those problems), but a
lack of self-esteem is just as harmful.
Building self-esteem in healthy ways, as Cleveland outlined
through affirmation rather than degradation, is perhaps the first step toward
reconciliation. People who are comfortable with themselves will feel less
anxious and less defensive when they encounter a differing viewpoint, a
differing opinion, a differing culture. Knowing oneself and being okay with
what God has shaped us to be can allow us to more comfortably reach across the
aisle to someone who may act or think or speak or live very differently from
us.
Perhaps this is a rather individualistic, westernized theory
by which to think and approach the world. However, maybe that is not
necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps it is okay to begin with where we are at: a
western country with a western culture. We have to start somewhere. As the song
goes, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror”.
Great post Aidan!
ReplyDeleteI love how you pointed out Scripture that aligns with what Cleveland is saying. It's crucial we run everything through Scripture. I agree that self-esteem is essential to a healthy life. However, finding that healthy balance of not too little but not too much is extremely difficult. I don't know a single person who does not struggle with either too much self-esteem (pride) or too little self-esteem. Do you think it's possible to even find that balance in this lifetime? Or is this something we are always going to be fighting?
Great post, Aidan! I agree wholeheartedly with your words, and, as always, appreciated the integration of Scripture throughout your post. As someone who has gone (and continues to go) through phases of both high and low self-esteem, I can attest to its importance in everyday functioning, as well as interpersonal relationships. If operating on either end of the spectrum, it is extremely easy to use insults, stereotypes, and the like to boost or maintain self-perception. Certainly finding balance here is key, though--in response to Cheyenne's question--I am not sure it is entirely attainable. At least not on our own. Guidance from the Lord, the Church, and Scripture is certainly necessary in striking this balance, though it is important to acknowledge the devil's constant attempts to derail our faith. Though struggles and obstacles in terms of self-esteem are to be expected, I believe we, as Christians, must do our best to combat the downsides of self-esteem, with simple acknowledgement being the first step.
ReplyDeleteYes as a mental health professional I also have observed the difficult path for those who struggle to remain confident in their worth. It's my prayer for my own children that they would primarily establish their identity in Christ and their courage would be apparent in how they lead and speak up for vulnerable groups. Our self esteems are attacked at different phases in our lives--none of us are immune to that. In my observation, even the people whom you perceive to be the most confident struggle deeply with insecurity and depression. Thank you for your words here.
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